Missed opportunities and lost loves

This has been something which has been bugging me for some time and I felt the need to get it out there and off of my mind for more than 30 seconds.

You know when you meet a new person whether you like them instantly or you hate there guts. Thats right girls have this effect of either driving you crazy in a good way or driving you crazy in a bad way.

The girl in question I have known for sometime (met about 2 and a half years ago) and at first I thought 'yeah she is really nice', it was later on that I found out that she liked me and we sort of started to get to know each other better. In my stupidity and in liking someone else I rejected her before anything serious happened. Well story of my life the other girl didn't like me in the slightest and once again I was left with a broken heart.

It is now around two and a half years on and the feelings I had for this other girl are beginning to come back, feelings which I thought I had gotten rid of but no they are still here battering away inside.

The problem is that now I can't act on these feelings due to two reasons, it has been to long, and I am convinced she would be over me by now. I also do not wish to make a complete arse of myself.

So here I am stuck in this slump feeling sorry for myself as everday goes by. Now anyone who has been in a situation when they like someone that much would understand what I am feeling. The feeling of regret and hate for oneself. But then there is the image of that girl, what would it be like, just build up the guts to say something, tell her how you feel and hope to god she doesn't squash you like an ant.

The thoughts that go through your head are enough to make any man want to go and kill himself.

But what makes it worse is when you see her and you put on a smile and a complete act so that she thinks everything is fine and you are still good friends. In reality all you want to do is be around her, enjoy her company and the personality which drives you crazy for her.

So here I am a broken man with nothing but the company of himself (and his good friends from time to time). But then there is still that heart ache inside, so you drag yourself around day to day trying to make the most of the good things in life. But she is still there, around every corner, in every window.

So now it is time to get over it, well and truley, because I know nothing will ever happen again.

But to come to that realisation is the hardest step of all.