You may remember in an earlier post in this blogs life I quoted several lines out of one of my favourite movies, that movie being Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Well I now feel it is the time to open the doors to it's sister movie by Guy Richie. The ever lovable Snatch.
Brick Top: Do you know what a nemesis means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible cunt— me.
Avi: Tony.
Bullet Tooth Tony: What?
Avi: Look in the dog.
Bullet Tooth Tony: What do you mean, "Look in the dog"?
Avi: I mean open him up.
Bullet Tooth Tony: It's not a fucking tin of baked beans! What do you mean "open him up"?
Turkish: Fuck me, hold tight. What's that?
Tommy: It's me belt, Turkish.
Turkish: No, Tommy. There's a gun in your trousers. What's a gun doing in your trousers?Tommy: It's for protection.
Turkish: Protection from what? "Zee Germans"?
Avi: Eighty-six carats.
Rosebud: Where?
Avi: London.
Rosebud: London?
Avi: London.
Gemologist: London?
Avi: Yes, London. You know: fish, chips, cup 'o tea, bad food, worse weather, Mary fucking Poppins... LONDON.
Vinny: Why are we stopped here? What's wrong with that spot over there?
Tyrone: It's too tight.
Vinny: Too tight?! You could land a jumbo fucking jet in there.
Bullet Tooth Tony: So, you are obviously the big dick. And these two on either side of ya are your balls. There are two types of balls. There are big brave balls, and there are little mincey faggot balls.
Vinny: These are your last words, so make them a prayer.
Bullet Tooth Tony: Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell pussy and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old pussy, and have brought your two small mincey faggot balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties muddled up. There's no pussy here, just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with ya. The fact that you've got "Replica" written down the side of your gun. (withdraws his gun) And the fact that I've got "Desert Eagle point five O" written on the side of mine, should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... Fuck off.
Sol: He's a natural, ain't you Tyrone?
Tyrone: 'course I am...
[reverses into parked van]
Vinny: A natural fucking idiot.
[Tyrone just backed into Franky Four Fingers' van]
Tyrone: I didn't see it there.
Vinny: It's a four ton truck, Tyrone. It's not as though it's a bag of fucking peanuts now is it?Tyrone: It was at a funny angle.
[All three turn and look back at the truck]
Vinny: It's behind you Tyrone. Whenever you reverse, things come from behind ya'
Turkish: What's happening with them sausages, Charlie?
Sausage Charlie: Five minutes, Turkish.
Turkish: It was two minutes five minutes ago.
Turkish: [looks at the caravan] Look at it. How am I suppose to run this thing from that? We're gonna need a proper office. I want a new one, Tommy. You're going to buy it for me.
Tommy: Why me?
Turkish: Well, you know about caravans.
Tommy: How's that?
Turkish: You spent a summer in one, which means you know more than me. And I don't want to have my pants pulled down over the price.
Tommy: What's wrong with this one?
Turkish: [Pulls the caravan's door from its hinges] Oh, nothing, Tommy. It's tip-top. I'm just not sure about the colour.
Policeman: So, what you doin here?
Turkish: I'm taking the dog for a walk. What's the problem?
Policeman: What's in the car?
Turkish: Seats and a steering wheel.
[His fighter has just been knocked out]
Tommy: We've lost Gorgeous George.
Brick Top: You'll have to say that again, I don't think I heard you?
Tommy: We've lost Gorgeous George.
Brick Top: Well where'd ya lose him? He's ain't a set of car keys, is he? It's not as though he's incon-fucking-spicuous, now is it?
Turkish: Well I reckon the little rabbit gets fucked.
Tommy: [pauses] What, proper fucked?
Turkish: Yes, before "Zee Germans" get there.
Brick Top: You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together.
Sol: Would someone mind telling me, who the fuck are you?
Brick Top: And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".
Tommy: Are you sayin' I can't shoot?
Turkish: no Tommy, I'm not saying you can't shoot. I know you can't shoot, I'm just saying that piece of crap stuck in your pants would probably do more damage if you fed it to him.
[before Sol, Vinny, and Tyrone hold up the (unknowingly broke) bank]
Sol: What the fuck is that?
Vinny: Heh heh. This, is a shotgun Sol.
Sol: It's a fucking anti-aircraft gun Vincent.
Vinny: So, I wanna raise some pulses don't I?
Sol: You'll raise Hell. Never mind pulses.
[while robbing the bookies]
Sol: Are you all right there Vincent?
Vinny: I would be a lot better if you stopped using my name.
Franky Four Fingers: So the biblical scholars mis-translated the Hebrew word for "young woman" into the Greek word for "virgin," which was a pretty easy mistake to make, since there is only a subtle difference in the spelling. But back then it was the "virgin" that caught people's attention. It's not every day a virgin conceives and bears a son. So you keep that for a couple of hundred years, and the next thing you know, you have the Roman Catholic church.
Mickey: Ah - deh sah-sez-fren-forcher, and dah scar-her-cushons, wit dah matsen-seck-way-Core-Ver
Sol: It won't open because it's a security door!
Ah what a great movie.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment